Frog
was lazily sitting at the edge of the pond thinking about the good
life he had. It was his favorite spot on land. I say on land because
he had many favorite spots and some of them were in the pond itself.
But this spot was just right for a warm spring day because it was carpeted with the softest moss he had ever found. It was so soft and
cushiony that along with the deliciously warm spring sun he felt so
contented that he was falling asleep. But when his eyes were about half closed he heard a small squeaky voice say, "I'm a
jumper."
It
was Rabbit.
Now
if Rabbit's voice had been louder and stronger, Frog might have been alarmed enough to have instantly jumped into the pond. That's what
frogs do when they are alarmed. But when he heard those words, “I'm
a jumper.” spoken so lightly, for a second or two he thought he was
dreaming. But then he heard some more words.
“Did
you hear me, Frog? I said I'm a jumper.”
Well,
he thought, “Whoever or whatever it is, it don't sound threatenin”
So he made a couple of small, quick turns to see where the words were
coming from and found himself looking into the eyes of a bundle of
brown and white fur.
“Yer
a rabbit ain't ya?” he asked.
“Of
course I am and I said I am a jumper.”
"Me
too." said Frog
"Yes
I know" replied Rabbit "But, you see, I'm a jumper AND a
thumper!"
"Well
now you may be a jumper and a thumper, but you AIN'T no croaker,
wich-a-course I am" said Frog proudly.
"Oh,
I make noises alright" said Rabbit.
"Noises!
You call them dainty little squeaks noises? Why I can't even think
that quiet", said Frog with a great deal of emphasis.
"At
least I don't keep the whole neighborhood up all night when everyone
is trying to get some sleep. Why those croaks of yours are a menace
to one's health and well being." declared Rabbit.
"Let
me tell ya, Rabbit, there's times I pend on them croaks for my health
and well bein'. Matter a fac, I make some of the sweetest croaks on
the pond. Jes ask the lady frogs, they'll sure nuff vouch fer it.
Course you wouldn't know nothin bout that cuz you're jes too dainty
fer that kinda frog stuff. Darned if I can figur out how you and Mrs Rabbit get on wit
things. One of them great puzzlin mistries of life, I spect."
"Well
now, you do talk on a ways, don't you?” said Rabbit. “Anyway, I
should also point out that I am soft and cuddly, unlike you of
course. Oh yes, and Mrs Rabbit likes me very much this way."
"Well
ain't this jest gettin as cute an perty as one a them little flies on the tip of
my tongue. Course I don't get a real good look at them nervous little
critters cause they's in my belly for I know what I done."
"That's
disgusting, Frog. Primitive's more like it. Why there's another thing
I can put on my list of attributes. I'm evolved. I don't eat other
living creatures. I'm a Vegan!"
"A
what?"
"A
Vegan, Frog. Vegans eat only vegetarian things, things that don't
have thoughts and feelings like living animals do. My, you do have a
lot to learn."
"Well
Rabbit, speakin bout thinkin' an feelin' and how veggie stuff don't
do none of it, I spose you mite jes lern a few things from that perty
lily pad I was settin' on and talkin wit tuther day. In fac she bout push me rite off
in ta du water; said I was hurtin her and she's bout to yell
out. But den I dun spose that'd work out none fer you cuz I dun
reckon Rabbit cin talk wit lily pads like Frog can."
Well,
that was almost more than Rabbit could process with any degree of
equanimity. His nose began to twitch at a remarkably rapid rate even
for a rabbit and after he had thumped twenty or thirty times in rapid
succession, he did a back flip and almost landed on Frog. Finally,
with great effort and concentration and with his very best you-listen-to-me face, he looked directly at Frog and said, "My dear
Frog, your ignorance is exceeded only by your dishonesty. Any fool
knows that lily pads don't talk. And even though you are apparently quite
ignorant, I suspect that even you know that.”
“That
so?” asked Frog. But without waiting for an answer he said, “If I
knowed that I'd a spent more time croaken than conversin with that
lily pad that don't talk. Been wastin my time, is that what yer
tellin me, Rabbit? Course now I do have a serious problem. How you
spose' I should tell Lily she don't talk without gettin' her all
upset?”
Well,
Rabbit's nose looked like it was having some kind of a catastrophic
breakdown. It was now twitching so fast one had to wonder if he could
get control of it ever again! Then his whole body began to shiver and
quiver and shake. It was a truly worrisome site to behold. But
finally he managed to say, “Frog, you are incorrigible! Of course
you do not have a serious problem. And if you don't know it then I
cannot begin to tell you how pitiful and hopeless you are. Why would
you worry about hurting Lily's feelings? No. Wait! I didn't mean to
call her—I mean it—Lily! Now you have got me so upset I'm
starting to sound like you. I meant to say, why would you worry about
the feelings of some mindless plant? Plants do not talk! Lily pads do
not talk! That is factual. That's it! That's all I'm going to say about it and I don't want to hear anymore of your nonsense. And if
anyone is wasting time, it's me talking to the dumbest creature I
have ever known. Now why don't you just jump into the pond and go
bother some one else with your silly Frog talk.”
Rabbit
had really gotten himself worked up this time. It was worse than the
last time if you can even imagine that. Every last part of him was in
motion. All his parts were moving so rapidly that one had to
seriously wonder if they wouldn't fly apart in all directions at any
moment. It was so worrisome that even Frog looked concerned. So Frog
said simply, “Spose I'll take yer vice, Rabbit. Spose that's the
bes thing to do considerin yer condishun.”
At
that, Frog reared back a little, then pushed off with his big strong
rear legs and jumped into the pond leaving Rabbit shaking and
quivering and twitching at the edge. Within seconds Frog emerged from
the water and climbed up onto a pretty emerald green lily pad.
Now
even though it appeared that Rabbit had decisively dismissed Frog the
odd thing was that he couldn't seem to take his eyes off this
audacious creature—the very one that had managed so quickly to
frazzle every rational nerve in his soft and cuddly little body. For
the life of him, he couldn't look away or move away, which I think
you will agree, would have been the wise thing to do at that point.
Instead,
he just stayed fixed in that same spot in his sorry condition as he
watched and heard Frog say, “Lily, if ya'd jes let me set here for
a spell, I'd be most 'bliged. I been conversin wit Rabbit an he tell
me you don't talk. So's I'm a bit sturbed an need to rest a spell.
What's that ya say, Lily? He mus be purty dumb cuz yer talkin to me
right now? Well now ain't that the truth but the poor fella jes don't
wanta cept it. What's that, Lily? Is he a Vegan? Well now, ain't you
the smart one! Thas zactly wut he told me! I ain't hurtin ya none am
I? Well, thank ya, Lily, you jes tell me if I do and I'll jump right
off.”
Copyright 2012 Robert D. McKinley
All rights reserved